The thing about aromantic representation in media — or maybe representation’s not the right word, but certainly about making media that doesn’t continue to diminish and erase aromantics — is that it’s not just about making aromantic characters (who aren’t villainous or inhuman), although that’s certainly nice to have. It’s also about not presenting romance as essential to happiness or essential to humanity, and about presenting romance as equal to other types of relationship rather than romance as the peak of emotional intimacy and affection. (Making it clear that there are other kinds of love than romantic love will go a long way.)

A friendship turning romantic is not an upgrade; there’s nothing lesser about friendship. It’s just a change. It might lead to the characters becoming closer and caring more for each other than they previously did, but a switch from friendship to romance is not a prerequisite for this increase in closeness. It’s just different, not better. This is why “they’re too close to be JUST friends” is so aggravating to hear. If you want to convince me that the relationship between two characters is romantic or proto-romantic rather than platonic, come up with an argument for it being qualitatively different, because even The Sims knows that you need to do more than max out your relationship meter to turn a relationship romantic.

It’s not just about having aromantic characters, it’s about having an atmosphere that isn’t hostile to aromantics. Things like the message that you can’t have a close relationship (or a close relationship between non-relatives) without it either eventually turning romantic or being romantic all along, and that romance is something everyone wants or needs even if they aren’t currently pursuing it: these are what make for such a hostile atmosphere.

Mikael Blomkvist from the Millenium series

Thank you anon :)

Anonymous asked: Hi, you may have heard this one before, but there's a webcomic with an aro-ace main character, it's called Supernormal Step and it's pretty great.

I haven’t, but thank you so much for the recommendation. :)



People who identify as ace or aromantic, please message me privately(i will retain anonymity)! Im writing a script right now in which the main character is ace and learns to accept her differences instead of give into pressures of society. I want to give you a voice on stage, but dont want to do it wrong. Any experiences or stories would be greatly appreciated, lovelies!


Tags: aromantic


male and female characters with a healthy platonic relationship


when that relationship needlessly turns romantic


(via aromanticaardvark)


I get really frustrated by how difficult it is to find or even headcanon aromantic or asexual female characters.

The ace or aro blogs I check on will often reblog or make posts about what characters can be interpreted as either, but almost without exception they’re all male (you might see the occassional Katniss Everdeen pop up but that’s about it).  Even my own list of ace or aro headcanons has only a few women on it, unless I outright ignore select bits of canon.  It’s upsetting because I know that a lot of the difficulties I went through coming to terms with my own aromanticism and asexuality could have been made easier if I’d had more female characters I could identify with on those levels, but even now when I”m out looking for them it’s so damn hard to find.

There’s two main reasons for this.  

1)  Mainstream media tends to include women only if they can “rent” their space by being a love interest or a sexual object to the male characters.  She’s barely allowed agency in responding to (or, as it’s often shown, caving in to) his interests, so forget about a female character included that exhibits no romantic or sexual attraction at all.  There’s a shitton of heteronormativity and racism wrapped up in here too, but others have done a much better job delving into that than I could.

2)  Mainstream sex-positive feminism tends to glorify an extremely specific, extremely narrow idea of “empowerment,” at the core of which is compulsory sexuality.  The measure of a [white] woman’s freedom, agency, and legitimacy all gets bound up in how frequently she has sex (and, for some reason, how often she punches people in the face, but that’s another issue).  This particular angle isn’t as anti-aro as it is anti-ace, but the message is still the same—there’s no room for women with no sexual attraction here, either, unless shown in an extremely negative, oppressive way.  Frequently, a shy or less sexually experienced woman will be added to the mix, only for the more sexually active woman to “free” and [insert naughty giggle here] ~corrupt~ her.  

In both categories, every positive attribute about them is often framed with the phrase “____ is sexy.”  Intelligence is sexy.  Toughness is sexy.  Reading is sexy.  Loneliness is sexy.  Punching bad guys in the face is sexy.  Being a world-destroying villainness is sexy.  On and on and on and on.  Not only is it extremely alienating to someone who never cared about being sexually attractive in the first place, but it’s all from the perspective of an external [male] gaze judging how appealing the female character is to them.  It’s a measuring stick with units of sexiness.

In the past I’ve gone into how damaging this can be and has been for ace women, but another thing in the end is how even when you’re looking for someone to identify with it’s “disproved” at every turn by the canon itself.  The precious few female characters that don’t end up in a romantic/sexual relationship are often given tons of lines about how much casual sex they have and often shame women who have less.  The ones that seem like they could be aro or ace at first get pulled away from us with a twist that oh, no, her heart was just broken, this dude will heal her and teach her to love again <3  Women in sexual or romantic relationships isn’t inherently problematic in the least, but when there’s nothing but that out there, what does that say to us aro ace women?

That’s why I sometimes get prickly when I see the lists of possibly aro or ace characters going around and there’s nothing but men on there.  We need to take a long hard look at the reasons behind why that’s the case, cause that’s just not good enough for me anymore.  I’m tired of having to look to only male characters for traits I can identify with.  I’m tired of the feeling I don’t belong in my own gender because I’m not willing to accept someone else’s sexual interest or summon up interest of my own.



I probably am going to sound like a broken record.. But I still feel raw about Haruhi from Ouran.. Cause that is effectively what happened.. the ‘oh, she just has never felt “real” love/met the “right one” yet

But yeah.. lack of aromantic female characters…. and isn’t it rather telling that those that potentially are more often than not (like 95%) are implicitely or otherwised shamed/riduculed for it by the author or canon?

It always ends up being tied up to them being ‘too independent’ or ‘too cold’ … as though independence was a bad thing (and if you think about why.. the reason why becomes obvious.)


So I’ve been working on this movie script idea about an Aromantic Asexual girl and the boy who falls in love with her. Give not only myself, but the Ace community as a whole some representation, you know? The plot is the typical high school Badboy makes a bet with his friends to get the new girl…

Anonymous asked: Excuse me - in the book I'm currently writing, the female main character is aromantic, but it's set during a period where being aromantic wasn't really acknowledged at all. Is there a good way for her to express that she's aromantic without knowing the term for it?


A time period when being aromantic isn’t acknowledged…You mean this time period? </cynical joke>

Paraphrases are your friend. Have her state her confusion, apathy, dislike, or weirded-out-ness about things like romance, courtship, and falling in love. Some suggestions:

  • "I don’t think I’m the sort of person who is suited for falling in love."
  • "I’ve never understood the appeal of romance."
  • "Romance just baffles/annoys/bores/disturbs me."
  • "I don’t see what the big deal is about love. I’d be quite happy being single / marrying a good friend instead."
  • "I’ve never fallen in love, and I can’t see myself ever doing that."
  • "If I ever love someone, I think it will be the same kind of love that I have for my friends, not the passionate romance that poets write about."
  • "Romance never made any sense to me."

It’s going to be very interesting, when you think about it, because a lot of what is now coded as ‘romantic’ in  very dependent on culture. So it may help if you do research on the time period (and just as important, cultural setting) you’re talking bout.. Even terms such as ‘romance’ and ‘love (and more than likley ‘marriage) are not going to carry the same meaning

Tags: aromantic



dystopia where romantic love is a taboo or not allowed

characters are aro

not actually a dystopia at all


automatically assuming that characters who don’t show romantic/sexual attraction must be gay is a little bit problematic and aro/ace-erasing~~~

(Source: aromanticachilles)